With over one trillion in national debt, military spending over three-quarters of a trillion dollars, and the most advanced information technology in the history of the world, the USA is losing the ability to send postal mail. Louis DeJoy (current Post Master General) shrugged his shoulders at a recent hearing in the US House of Representatives saying, “I know I may be invested in over $50 million in alternatives to the post office but that has no effect on my ability to ruin, erhm, I mean run the post office”. With Vice-President Pence installing new election-year empathy operating system upgrades and the US Congress in recess, zombified members of the Pony Express announced their own outrage.

In other news, a starving writer in Brooklyn anxiously awaits the delivery of any paper mail which can be consumed in a desperate attempt to add vital calories. Wondering why he did not take computer science or finance majors in college, he continues to troll Craigslist Gigs seeking out opportunities to be fully exploited by scams or serial paper mills alike. Quoted as to why he did not obtain a normal job, he responded, “I simply do not want to give up my life-time supply of stationary although I may have to burn my composition notebooks to stay warm this winter”.